What to write about

I have tried to write several times tonight, but I'm just not feeling anything I started doing. So now, here I am just writing out loud, so to speak, while listening to Love Does by Bob Goff. Writing while listening to an audiobook is probably not the best idea, especially since I just shared a link the other day titled Christians Can't Multitask. But here I am at 10:21 P.M., doing it anyway.

Maybe I just have too much on my mind to write about anything I would usually be writing about. There's a lot of stuff going on, and it feels like it is all converging all at once. At the same time, there are so many unknown variables that it's a little unsettling. I am not a planner. One of the great surprises of each day is not knowing when someone might call you up or send you a message letting you know they are coming over to hang out or go somewhere. But it's a little different when the unknown variables aren't fun surprises but related to needs. When you're supposed to be moving, but you don't know what day, so you don't know when to ask for help, when to start alerting all the people and utility companies that need to know, all of a sudden, the unknown isn't as fun and adventurous as it is at other times. Nonetheless, here I am.

I feel like I have been very patient during three months of unknowns and more significant needs than I usually have. And it's not that my patience is running out. It's just not convenient and makes me feel like I am being inconsiderate of all the people who need to know when I need to move. I can't just snap my fingers at any time and have a group of people coordinated to help me more stuff whenever I get the last-second notice and the key to the new place. So while I am not personally impatient, I guess you could say I am getting impatient on behalf of all the people involved with all of this in one way or another.

And of course, right on cue, as I am typing this, I hear Bob Goff say, "I used to think I could shape the circumstances around me, but now I know Jesus uses circumstances to shape me." So I'll just keep doing the best I can every day, prepare how I can, keep trying to get all the information I can, and pray for the best each day. Maybe this is what I needed to write about because I feel better than when I started this. Besides, I have a lot to be thankful for despite all the things that could be going better. One of the best gifts I have gotten over the last couple of years is a gratitude journal. When you focus on what you have to be thankful for, it leaves less room to be discontent. I just need to remind myself of that as I enter some new chapters that I am still unsure about.

At least I figured out what to write about.